TirED
There is only one word that can desribe what im feeling now.. TIRED! yes.. im tired.. tired of waiting.. tired of the hassle to n fro work though it only takes like fourty five mins from here to there.. im tired of the busy working life.. tired of people asking me if i have received any letters.. where am i going.. what am i goin to do.. blah blah blah.. if i could turn back time.. will i still allow this to happen? do u think i want this to happen? what r u people out there thinking??
he asked.. is it coz u didn study hard? she said.. its ok.. u will get some where.. dunnoe whats the results yet.. but i really hope that they will take me in.. otherwise.. wads the alternative.. have u thought about it? its not the end of the world.. he said.. he said that he will be there for me.. is he really that noble? oh gosh.. aye..wake up! i noe he want to cheer me up.. he wants to make me happy.. he wants me to be happy.. am i really that happy? i don't noe! thanks R anyway.. u told me many things.. so so many things had happened in ur family yet u still stood strong.. as if nothing has happened.. that u could take up the responsibility.. that u could disregard anything n carry on.. u said that u will stand by me.. that u will go thru anything with me.. is that for real? do u really care for me? hmm...
where am i goin? to NUS? SIM? POLY? OVERSEAS? well done mannz.. i dunnoe.. k k right now i will juz appeal n see how it goes larx.. is it really that competitive... does anyone care.. so long as they have secured a place somewhere.. they would be happy n not be bothered about anyone else le.. is that right? wad do i wan? they can't do anything.!!. they r given three places.. all they must do is to give up their places in the other two n let people like me in! think im too much le larx.. does anyone bother about me? asking me.. r they juz concerned.. or wanna see how hard i fall..??
wah lao.. so so soon if im not goin somewhere.. if i do not have a solution.. i will so so goin to go boonkers already.. thinking that no one cares about me.. no one to pei me for lunch.. no one to pei me go out to tou tou fong.. no one to listen to me.. no one to talk to me.. im so so goin to go crazy !!! i heard about it.. that u did not dared to ask.. afraid that u would not put it right.. since she is goin somewhere.. im not jealous.. y should i be? she deserves it wad?? u did not want it to sound that u were sorry.. anyway.. i just want to congrat my guardien angel.. that she is able to make a wise decision that she is able to determine what she really want.. how she wants to go about doin it n stuff like that.. ill just hope for the best.. n pray hard bah!:)..
sometime i really think whether people really care about me or not.. or is it that me n my silly thoughts of enclosing myself in that little corner.. maybe u saw what was happening n wanted someone to come into my life.. should i be appriciative? where r u? i really hope that u can give me a sense of direction.. im LOST.. u can give me courage to move on.. u can give me wisdom to think n do the right thing..u can give me faith to continue believing in u..r u there to guide ME?
todae had a tiring dae.. though not so many cases.. but the thing is that A asked S .. she can go home meh? still so many letters.. not signed.. how can u go home.? were u joking? shirley also said ai yo.. so irresponsible.. but its already 615.. its the time when everyone can go home larx.. dar side also all goin to chiong go home le lor.. wahaha. so im not supposed to go home huh.. must stay back till 715 to fax.. photocopy.. update.. find file.. print.. blah blah blah..?? wahhaa.. anyway anyhow.. i left at 615 todae larx.. felt bad larx.. wahaha... see larx.. so now.. for this week i must do OT everydae huh? since lay lay not here.. n that u all take such a long time to sign those letters?? oh wadever.. sometimes do u all even think n noe wad u all talking about? do u all noe that sometimes ur words r kinda hurting.. hai.. wad ever.. maybe.. thats life..
uncertainties...
im living in uncertainties.. i am afriad.. i am sad.. what should i do? i wan to break down.. who should i turn to?...
i have not recieved my letters..
was it a message form heaven? did dear lord wanted to warn me of something? they suddenly came to me telling me all that all of a sudden.. they asked if we were together le.. then they said something... were they making it all up? why then did they do so? did they have anything against him? did they have a motive? should i belief him? should i belief them? who is right??!!!
i do not wish for it to be true.. but if it is so.. i think i will give up... then again.. my heart will bleed.. bleed so so profusely..
he came so so close.. i am uncertain if his feelings for me is true.. but i noe that this is not a game n i treat it seriously.. but todae they told me something.. something that set me thinking.. is he the one? i must protect myself.. they said.. i must be wary.. but the thing is that living is all this would so so be a tourture.. they said that at the same time he is askin other girls out.. at the same time he tells them that they r pretty.. its all so so happening in the office.. WAD SHOULD I DO? how? do i noe him that well do i really want to have a realtionship with him? he calls me his.. but does he really think n do so? i wonder.. im LOST! im sad.. what should i do.. i tried to test him out.. but he did not sae anything.. i tried to ask him.. he did not sae anything.. yest we were so so close.. he asked if that did not mean anything? im hurt.. if u think that im urs u sld not have done all those larx.. i dunnoe if its true.. am i really urs? i asked.. n then u flare.. whats all this?
am i gining in too early? am i too soft? he is pursuasive.. is this right?
~SiGh~
someone.. pls tell me if i had done it right.. or had i done it wrong? if i could turn back the time.. what would i do.. can some one.. GIVE me a sense of direction.. tell me in some way or another if i had done things the right way..
oh like wad ever larx.. im so so talking nonsense.. see larx.. haiz.. sob sob larx.. they came back with S**T results larx.. like wad sia.. didn even have a pass.. what had i done wrong.. u all were doin fine when i gave u all the mock exams larx.. had i not put in enough? had i not taught the right way? had i not train them enough? is time against my side? i really dunnoe.. no advice.. no one to turn to.. no one .. JUST NO ONE! *though i heard comforting words..
wad went wrong. not enough practice? too much play? was the paper that hard? was it the mental health at that point of time? was the poor little brains working? can someone just tell me? n mei bao.. u promised my A1 where is it mannz? u ony had an A2 larx.. wahahha.. not farnie lorx.. i so so much wanted to prove myself.. but it turned out otherwise.. im really lost.. im sad..
still i had not had my letters coming in as yet.. sob sob larx.. when will it come? will it be good? will someone take me in? the bad thing is that i heard that my guardien angel didn even got SPMS when her results r like so so much better than mine larx.. HOW HOW HOW?? she like got her fifth choice? thats like so so.. er.. dunnoe wad to sae larx.. if hers gives her the fifth then ME? how larx..?? the feeling of waiting is so so bad.. so many uncertainties.. so so many questions.. so so many burdens.. why why why?? dear lord.. will i be given s chance?
i must thank someone.. that very special someone.. that always makes my dae in the office:) u allowed me to be able to meet such wonderful people.. who are not so grumpy.. alwaes birnging joy n laughter into my world.. thank u for allowin me to find joy working.. to be given a chance to know all these people.. who crap.. who makes fun of people (Though its bad) haha.. who r so so fun loving.. kekz.. :) also thank u for letting me know him.. he came into my life.. i hope that i made the right choice.. THANK U.. i shall not sae too much here huh.. haha :>
RoAR...
u IdioT!11!.. :S stop being so nice to me larx.. im not worth wad ever that u r doin.. i really am still unsure.. still.. living in my own lala land.. u tried to get hold of the keys so so many times.. to open the door to my heart.. but im still at the other end.. locking it.. preventing u from entering.. im treating u so so badly.. im so bad! yet u.. still persisted.. i asked u y so many times.. u said that there is no WHY.. 'let me in'... its melting.. oh gosh.. i need to put it in the fridge le larx.. hump!!
'sOrRy'..
my parents are out.. for a week.. wohoo.. think that they r still on the plane ba.. wad a long flight.. like.. eh.. hmm.. 12+ hours? alamak.. sit until butt pain r.. muhahaha.. mummuy sae.. if she come back.. u will noe why huh.. coz there is like a twelf hour difference from here n there .. ya lo.. so u noe.. haha.. but i truly hope that they will have a super duper great time there.. kekz.. so much so that it can be compared to yet another honeymoon.. eh.. 18+ years later? haha.. that is like so so long.. haha.. yi zhuan yan yi zing shi 18 years le.. ho ho ho.. n im turning another year older like SOON! haha.. then again.. guess.. im supposed to be the BIG MOMA like round here for the week.. muhahaha.. priya said that lucky us.. that the three of us sld enjoy ourself..muhahaha...no nagging .. no screaming.. no.. blah blah blah.. kekz.. mei bao sld be the happeist woman on earth.. coz.. no need to hear screams to go n bathe.. to eat.. to.. ha.. u noe wad larx.. u lazy piG! haha.. n victel.. hmm.. go out with 'zaifani' r? haha.. dunnoe.. ha.. who noes mannz.. then u can come back late late everdae.. send 'zaifani' home everydae.. haha.. though i dunnoe if its real.. meibao sae one.. haha.. n mei bao.. u.. hur hur.. im supposed to be ur guardien.. like .. hello.. whahaha.. then cannot go chiong this fri r.. u u u.. grr.. i dunnoe larx.. see abt it.. coz its a PTM huh.. haha
gal.. u said that im ur little angel r.. then u r my gurdien angel larx.. kekz.. alwaes watching over me right.. having our little coversation in our own little world.. so near .. so dear.. haha.. see larx.. ask u go out walk walk u dun wan.. ha.. anyway.. ok lor.. anyway.. also good.. then i won spend money.. haha.. SAVE SAVE SAVE.. i need money to do stuff.. see.. no money.. shi wan wan be neng.. but haveing some money to get things done would be good enough.. having too much.. may bring about problems.. so... final evaluation.. be happy with wad u have.. dun anyhow spend.. money can be earned.. be it little or much.. so long as one has the ability to.. having both hands n feet in working condition n a working brain..wld be sufficient to survive if one scrimp n saves.. ") smilez..
finally.. i finished my test routes le.. im irritated with myself larx.. IDIOT me.. STUPID me.. coz like i still dunnoe wad to like that overall driving is fine.. but i must rem the rules to driving.. always check check check.. dunnoe.. dun go!.. go slow.. at the junction.. red linght.. OF COURSE STOP! then at STOP lines.. STOP! junction.. left turn on red.. check for oncoming traffic.. crawl up to see.. right turn.. shoulder to the dotted line.. get ready to turn when its green.. u turn.. shoulder to the curb.. full lock.. dun accelerate.. turn le then accelerate.. change gear.. then at slopes.. half clutch.. then accelerate.. check check check.. clear.. GO! dirving is all about judgement.. i really hope that i can pass on the first attempt.. n guess wad then it can be my birthday gift.. from myself.. :)
hee hee..
slept slept slept.. think im really becoming a PIG le larx.. how? hai.. lox.. anway.. hurh hurh.. gary.. u good.. sae wanna jio me go out in the end never.. hump! not goin to frewn u le larx.. haha.. oops.. kekz.. juz kidding larx.. anyway we so long never meet up le lorx.. hor?
had driving todae.. so fun so fun.. but mr francis said i must e more careful.. if not very easy to be accident prone.. i must check my blind spots.. so many a times i never did.. OOPS! I MUST rem to stop at stop line larx.. hai yo.. sometimes forget.. u grr... also never tell me?? hur..?? after everything then tell me.. sae dun wan disturb me.. ur'e right.. haha..then he said that my driving was generally fine.. BUT!! hey.. cannot so chiong larx.. not be so hot blooded.. must always give way.. i bang ppl i must pay.. but if ppl bang me from the back.. hee hee.. tHEY HAF TO PAY..!! ya lor.. true true.. yes sir.. i will rem.. then drive mor carefully.. yeappie.. did like four test routes todae.. ya.. really fun.. but the thing is that r.. hai yo.. just feel that some drivers kinda.. sLOW!! hai yo.. im not supposed to sae that coz every lerner driver has to be SLOW haha.. ya lo.. till i get my liscense then i can go abit faster till then.. go SLOW SLOW SLOW!! gal.. dun CHIONG!! anyway kinda happy.. gonna finish the test route le.. that means that i can book my test dates le. like next week ba.. i hope that i can get my liscense.. like before my birthdae? can i do it.. take it as my birthdae present from myself.. i HOPE !! :) hee hee.. guess wad.. noe y i suddenly wanna talk abt my instructor todae? coz he is not some lao kok kok kay.. he is so so.. ahem.. haha.a.. shuai! he looks like the twins.. form taiwan! GUO YAN JUN n GUO YAN FU!! then he is GUO YAN HAO?? haha.. the triplets.. really really.. he is.. OMG!! haha.. FANTSY!!
gal.. u .. roar.. wanna go K never jio me? wahaha... im not ur frewn.. but guess wad.. me ur cuz.. can aka frewn too.. haha.. anyway... juz ask lar.. maybe i can be free.. haha.. then can pei u.. ya??
K suddenly message me so so many time this week.. n he asked me to keep next week free for him.. but.. eh eh eh .. wads that suppose to mean.. pls sae u dun mean anything that maybe u juz wanna some one to pei u dunnoe go where? i dunnoe larx.. next week then see how larx.. hor..
oops.. haha.. now am gonna backdate abit.. like coz.. ya.. i so long never come here blog le huh? i guess.. have many thoughts many things i wanna put down here.. ! my letter of notification is not here yet.. pls oh lord... pls sae that its a good one.. mel saes.. no news means still good news coz it may be letter of acceptance.. hor.. thks gal..
yesterdae went out with R till like eleven like that see larx.. i told u to ownself go back u insited of seeing me home.. hur hur.. u did wad u were not supposed to like again.. hump.. ! angry? i dunnoe.. we went for dinner at that yummie place again.. ha.. ate sushi n jap food.. really nice! then went to watch MI3.. wo hoo.. really dunnoe why u ppl sae its nice lar.. sorry larx,... but sad to sae leh.. i dun really understand.. tom cruise.. is eh.. not that.. handsome larx.. ok onli larx.. haha..anyway to each his own likings larx.. better not sae so loud wait his fans gonna *bish bish* me le.. oops.. i asked for like ten reasons.. u gave less then that ok.. haha.. not accepted.. not make it seem like it is yet! not as YET! ya lor.. u wait ba.. but.. i abit.. u noe.. haha.. so.. well see abt tt.. :)
thinking
im thinking.. giving it a thought.. sigh.. i dunnoe wad am i gonna do.. till now.. there is only a letter from smu n sad to sae.. its a rejection letter.. wad do i do?
pondering.. wondering.. thinking..
hai.. see.. one down.. two to go.. am gonna to be given a place.. or isit that the postman did not post it right.. but that is so so unlikely.. wad am thinking of.. CRAZY!! omg!! then again.. its super competitive.. eh.. the SPMS course.. isit that no one has sighed up for it such that they cannot form a class?? such that they r not giving out that letters to me? hmm.. or maybe its gonna come tml.. i really dunnoe.. at a lost .. even there is no reply from the teaching course.. how did i fared at the interview.. is it that bad?? ;( sigh.. then where am i to go.. stuck here in nowhere.. never even applied to sim.. will i be given a place.. many have multiple offers.. me?? wad abt me! aye.. im like still waiting waiting.. will i get good news or bad??.. ;( :)
sob sob.. todae somemore grace told me that she had an offer to the faculty of arts n social science... frm nus.. but of course she is goin to ntu coz she is given a place to the biz course there.. like THE?? right.. ya lo.. so good for her.. sam is also goin to ntu.. n janice.. takin up psychology.. good good.. hopfully i get replies n that they r good one ba...
hopeing hopeing hopeing..
sigh..
am i worrying too much?? am i thinking too much?? am i juz asking too much?? am i just wondering too much?? wad exactly am i doing?? sigh..
had a new phone today.. had acually wanted to get its brother.. something similar. but more cool.. think i have to be contented larx.. cannot ask too much.. somemore mummy is kinda unhappy for that.. having to spend so much on a phone.. not worth it.. furthermore.. willing to spend on the unnecessary rather than the necessary.. example FOOD!! wahaha.. but that make me FAT! goodness.. well wad ever.. im happy i have a NEW phone.. a brand new phone.. mummy saes that some ppl dun even haf the money to eat n here are youngesters buying phones like there is no tml.. spending money like water.. not even realising where the money is FROM!@! wahaha..
the three kids r having there exams round the corner already.. well done mannz.. having class this wed.. before their math paper one.. like they must come r.. coz i'll be preparing the stuff.. furthermore.. ya.. one last push? wad ever that u all can absorb better do huh.. dun let me down wor.. u all can de lor.. whether u all wan or not.. RIGHT? yes! ha.. im right kay.. kekz..
went to mama house juz now.. everyone was there.. thats great coz i think we very long never go mama house le right? yesh?? yea mannz.. then they were discussing wad date to have the mother's dae dinner.. well done.. im really glad to be here for a simple reason.. everyone is nice.. they have a thought.. it right to pamper them for the hard work n effort that all these mothers had put in for the family.. sacrificing.. n wad so ever.. so we r like supposedly gonna have dinner at dragon gate like this thur.. but the kids have got exam.. n ppl all have their stuff on.. so so so.. n then my grandparents are like goin to genting like AGAIN?? haha.. so yeps yeps.. its gonna yan hou for another week.. haha.. hope that they go genting win loads.. haha.. then can come back for 'free' dinner kekx..:) lalalalala..
they are goin to switzerland like on the nineteen for like one week.. n they r so mean! not gonna bring me there? wahaahha.. sob sob.. wad ever.. yeah manz.. so im gonna be like the BAO MU for like one week? haha.. n have to take care of EVERYTHING.. cum being the gardien.. to go collect results.. hmm.. oh well.. u all go lang man ba.. i shall not be the big big light bulb like wad mei saes huh.. kekz.. have fun ba.. but!! MUST bring back the yummie chocolates from there huh.. switzerland.. wohoo.. cool.. CHOCOLATES!! even more cool.. muhahaha.. kekz.. :)
we talked for quite some time juz now.. i really dunnoe wad i wan larx.. dunnoe wad am i looking for.. but i feel that u r not that one.. i dunnoe.. maybe time will tell.. n maybe.. somedae we may get together? ha.. but thats like SOMEDAE.. ha.. till then zai suo ba.. u sounded so sincere.. then u were so sad after wad i said.. but u noe.. i really think that its not the right time.. n i dun wan.. so ya.. if u wanna wait? but u ask me wait till when? that u can wait.. but i really cannot give u an answer.. sorry r.. cher.. wad do u think of this.. am i fickle minded? am i juz too.. one of a kind.. am i just too.. am i just too... am i just too..'u are the only one that i have set ur eyes upon'.. oops.. so ahem.. u noe.. but but but...
haiz... haven even get any notification letter from anyone.. nobody wants me isit? am i really that bad... did the cohort did very or rather super duper well this year? y is it that so many has got their letter le.. n im still waiting.. will i wait for a rejection letter?? then wad will i do? im really at a lost.. many had said that not yet larx.. maybe urs will come tml.. but.. not even a single letter yet! sob sob.. so wad does that mean? they r just comforting me r? ;( down.. is it gonna come tml? even rui yi has got a letter for nus arts n social science.. is there any discrimination? wad r they doin? y so long.. i wait until my neck grow long le.. having to stretch out to the letter box.. seeing weather the postman is here..
on the HaPPy note i wan to congratulate everyone that has gotten the notification letter le.. coz that means that u all have a place to study.. that the unis out there are longing for u all to go in.. that they can start their lessons n classes with their newly selected cream of the crop.. that they can get to interact with their newly created classes n batches of students.. the new intake of 2006! i wanna congratulate my cousin especially.. because.. at least for the matter of fact.. u got a place in SMU! kekz.. wad ever the case is .. go for wad u really like n wad u really wanna study worz.. no one can force u to do wad u do not want to.. anywayz.. u can also try appealing like wad ur sis said.. who noes? hor:) ten years down the road i see u hit the headlines.. MOST OUTSTANDING WOMEN OF THE YEAR. :) what more... u r gonna study.. u r gonna take up that course.. n.. u are wad u r.. right? smilez..
o... ohohoho.. guess wad..! haa.. im like at home now.. coz having driving later this afternoon so did not go to work anyway had to prepare tml teachin stuff larx.. haha.. i did something at least.. haha.. their exam is gonna come so so soon.. i really hope that they will do me proud lor.. wahahah.. ai yo.. they MUST!! lor.. anyway feeling so so sian now larx.. like nothing to do.. see larx.. stay at home is also not a very good thing.. coz also will end up so so bored.. n then once again start to think about stuff to think abt.. lolx.. almak.. think until the head burst le larx.. haha
prob MAC C is also at home now ba.. rotting.. u won feel bored de r?? haha.. but heard that u haf stuff to learn.. ur jap.. n ur music.. wohoo.. when am i goona attend ur concert? is it gonna happen? will u make it happen? haha.. blah blah blah..
luckily im not gonna do tis everydae if not im really gonna go bonkers!! wahahah... i miss priya.. wee wei.. shewen.. graceeee... geraldine.. lay lay.. n everyone else.. haha.. am gonna be back tml.. so.. stay tuned.. :)
oWW.. had not been driving the past two daes.. i MISS driving.. sob sob.. coz could not book a slot.. wahaha.. thats the bad thing about goin to the skl one.. hai yo yo.. muz book in like advance larx.. ai yo..
todae had popiah paRTY!! at celes house.. muahaha.. so yummie.. had fun.. n that dog!! BOUNCE BOUNCE!!oo.. so so huge.. a mongrel huh.. wohoo.. cool.. but she is so so fat.. can be compared to BINGO! haha.. BING is overweight.. is bounce?? ha.. then went to marina to eat chocs.. alamak.. not nice larx.. bring u all go fullerton one nicer larx.. lolx.. u can eat to ur fill.. it.. ma ma miah!! wohoo.. kekz.. but one person.. eh.. 20+ larx.. its a buffet!! yUMMIE!! mUAcK..! bought another pair of shoes once again.. haha.. so happy.. had been eyeing on that for a long time! its nice kay.. fine larx.. u all sae not nice.. i wear go office sure got ppl sae nice de.. kekz... wahaha.. im sure or that..
anyway had a great dae todae.. then was tired n went back early.. u ppl have an early night huh.. not forgeting the newly created.. mac A B C D E.. haha.. u noe who u ppl r.. im MAC D.. kekz.. then we all go eat macdonald kay... haha..
lal lal lala lala....
