hello hello bloggie! waha.. does anyone still use blogger?
waha
anyways am kinda of pissed with DAN DAN lar! wa lao ka na sai take me for what?
dun care about me
dun wan to bring me out
dun wan to spend money on me.. eat udon also cannot!
all he cares about is he himself n no one else..
im such a fool for loving someone like him..
sooooooooooooo... im probably in search for someone better someone that will take care of me and love me more than i love him or love myself =)
im stupid for letting him hurt me time and again. at times im too tired to say anything. so if things continue as it as HAHA! i wouldn be suprised finding myself telling him. let's break up for good!
im afraid.. afraid of what?
HAI...
afraid that it could be the end.. like anytime.. then again.. if i always think that it will be the end.. it will eventually be the end..
he said that he is holding back.. now you also make me think twice..:S
he is not someone that can give me everything that i want..
he is not a rich handsome young lad..
he does not print $..
he may be sometimes dun even know how i feel..
he may not be aware that i want certain things..
he is bad at surprises..
he may not be aware that i could have some difficulty communicating with his parents..or rather.. i dunnoe how to come up with conversations that could last..
im so scared..
probably i will just break down one day not knowing what to do.. how to handle everything that is happening around me..:(
.. probably no meet up on 14.. probably no flowers on 14.. probably no nothing on 14.. hai... its cny ! so i cannot cry! if it has to be.. it has to be tears of joy.. thats what i read somewhere.. mmmm...
it was his convocation today.. not a single picture i had with his family.. this just goes to show either they dun treat me as one of them or im not supposed to come into the picture at all.. or am i just reading too much into it.. how can i possibly fit myself in the picture when they wun even let me in..
haha so farnie.. his mum said tat the flowers could be given to me on valentine's day.. erm.. i really dunnoe how to react to it lar.. :S
i feel some what horrible.. i can't really get this across to anyone cox probably no one will ever understand..
not appreciated for what you do.. Mmmm.. how does that feel?..
let's see... its a whole new yEAR!!!! bloGGie HAppY 2010!!
N THE PURPOSE OF BLOGGING TODAY IS TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IN THE YR 2010 on the very first day i met new ppl once again! hah! went to gabriel house.. n then, the seniors reunite once again! how awesome! ahhahhaha.. ") let see.. think have 11 ppl there.. new ppl (gabriel, sylvia and ...) n old ones.. (zhen xin, you xiang, gary, ben, sheng feng, hui ping, kwee lim) hehe ah so fun!! happy new year ppl.. be good! have fun.. n all of them are working already! so.. have fun at work!.. after that the first movie of the year "bodyguards and the assessin" with gary and ben!! ahahahhah not a bad show mann!! niceeeee!!!
hmmm.... what about me in the coming year? i guess what jasper said really made sense.. he said that he would think of what he really wanted to do the coming year and work towards it! ya mann.. work towards your goal n never look back!!!
i want to get a great job.. i know that he will be there for me..
i want to stop toturing myself... i know that he has plans for me...
i want to stop hurting myself..
i want to stop crying myself to sleep..
i want to stop being a stupid girl...!!!!
No special someone by my side to countdown.. n i really see myself as his toy.. whenever he wants me he takes me out whenever he dun wan me.. he leaves me alone.. not a message.. not a phone call not a word of concern as to where i go.. i dun seem to be his utmost priority... i only get leftovers! leftovers of the time he has. after u minus out his friends, his work, his religion, his work his sleep his sleep.. n more of his sleep.. n fishing... i really cannot ask for more.. i am supposed to be contented with what i have.. but i am not.. am i selfish? am i a insensitive girlfriend? am i a stupid girl? always waiting n waiting n waiting for something nice to happen... n it never will.. am i a STUPID GIRL??????:( :( :(
in 2010....
i want to be a happy girl!
i want to be a happy girl!
happier than i was in 2009! woosh gone is 2009 n welcome 2010!!!!!!
new opportunities n a brand new year awaits!!! beeMS")")**
i seriously dunnoe what is up on his mind..
im not his no one..
always quesitioning myself if what i have is enough..
questioning myself if im done with his nonsense..
if i did not see that tag on fb maybe ill feel better..
you were sleeping..
so everything else comes before me and you are happy with just that..
you do not have anything to say to me..
the amount of messages only goes to show how much you think of me..
are you on holidays?
so you need time to rest n recuperate.. to recharge for a more challenging year ahead..
skl term i dun get to see you much.. n i dun get to do so even when you are having your vacation..
im really dissapointed.. to the extent that im really tired tired of all this nonsense............................. i truly am..
im really going to go boonkers soon.. i dun have anyone to talk to.. no one knows my plight..
im sad.... im really sad.. sad and dissapointed i am..
am i supposed to pour my hearts out everynight before i sleep?
how foolish i am? for such a not so well deserving person..
why am i always thinking of him?
why am i putting myself in this?
why am i going through all this nonsense of yours?
why am i not given due appreciation care and concern.. n LOVE?
why am i doing so much for him.. to give him a suprise that will not be much appreciated?
why why why...
sooner or later.. i really will go crazy... :( :( :(
it had been empty for dunnoe how long.. im back again.. hehe.. lol.. cox its the hols.. so i shall update you! haha:)
ended exams.. so i have a break like finally!
went out to work for two days met a very interesting gal! haha.. she is just so ke ai man! we can like talk about anything even though i only know her for less than 12 hours! gosh.. not many ppl in the store so can lax abit.. haha! too bad i had to go off early! didn even get her no! alamak.! then again.. another passerby who came into my life..
a passerby we meet whenever we go to somewhere new.. whenever we see someone new..
a true companion is a rare gem... u really think that that someone will be there for you all the time? probably not.
hai.. had been using you to vent my frustrations on a not so sensitive person.. typing it out here could just be the solution.. hai!!..
so sad.. once again.. sad sad sad. how may buckets of tears must i pour out before you ever get it? ya.. im not your no. one piority.. your work is your friends is your fun is your religion is.. im probably ranked the last of the lot.. y isit like that .. isit really supposed to be like that? can someone tell me that im asking too much asking for the sky that he can't give? so that maybe i would not anyhow throw my temper so that maybe i will learn to ask for less so that maybe i will learn to accept that he has very little time for me leftovers are precious. im suppose to treat them like gem.. supposed to go out only when he is free otherwise i will think of him when i go out alone.. or may be with my friends.. he has already taken part of me. asking him if i should do this and that thinking that i would not have time for him if i had to work.. i asked him if i should.. putting him before me.. im probably stupid to do so.. he should belong to my last piority.. when i need him then i call upon him.. otherwise he can live in his own world n i can live happily in mine! what rubbish.. wun that just be friends.. what should i do?.... :( :( :(
y isit that time and again im sad..
it feel as though my heart has just shattered
he is not talking to me
not bothering me
not pleasing me
not giving in to me
not asking me why
not messaging me
not taking me out
is this the end
does he still care?
so insensitive.. can't you feel that im doin all this to spite you..
idiot!
i hate you..
hate you for stealing my heart away, tearing it apart day by day
hate you for not being a nice bf who takes his gf out on weekends
hate you for not being caring enough
hate you for not talking to me like before
hate you for making me cry
hate you for being alone
I HATE YOU!!!!
whats the difference between having you and not?
