im afraid.. afraid of what?
HAI...
afraid that it could be the end.. like anytime.. then again.. if i always think that it will be the end.. it will eventually be the end..
he said that he is holding back.. now you also make me think twice..:S
he is not someone that can give me everything that i want..
he is not a rich handsome young lad..
he does not print $..
he may be sometimes dun even know how i feel..
he may not be aware that i want certain things..
he is bad at surprises..
he may not be aware that i could have some difficulty communicating with his parents..or rather.. i dunnoe how to come up with conversations that could last..
im so scared..
probably i will just break down one day not knowing what to do.. how to handle everything that is happening around me..:(
.. probably no meet up on 14.. probably no flowers on 14.. probably no nothing on 14.. hai... its cny ! so i cannot cry! if it has to be.. it has to be tears of joy.. thats what i read somewhere.. mmmm...
it was his convocation today.. not a single picture i had with his family.. this just goes to show either they dun treat me as one of them or im not supposed to come into the picture at all.. or am i just reading too much into it.. how can i possibly fit myself in the picture when they wun even let me in..
haha so farnie.. his mum said tat the flowers could be given to me on valentine's day.. erm.. i really dunnoe how to react to it lar.. :S
i feel some what horrible.. i can't really get this across to anyone cox probably no one will ever understand..
not appreciated for what you do.. Mmmm.. how does that feel?..
let's see... its a whole new yEAR!!!! bloGGie HAppY 2010!!
N THE PURPOSE OF BLOGGING TODAY IS TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IN THE YR 2010 on the very first day i met new ppl once again! hah! went to gabriel house.. n then, the seniors reunite once again! how awesome! ahhahhaha.. ") let see.. think have 11 ppl there.. new ppl (gabriel, sylvia and ...) n old ones.. (zhen xin, you xiang, gary, ben, sheng feng, hui ping, kwee lim) hehe ah so fun!! happy new year ppl.. be good! have fun.. n all of them are working already! so.. have fun at work!.. after that the first movie of the year "bodyguards and the assessin" with gary and ben!! ahahahhah not a bad show mann!! niceeeee!!!
hmmm.... what about me in the coming year? i guess what jasper said really made sense.. he said that he would think of what he really wanted to do the coming year and work towards it! ya mann.. work towards your goal n never look back!!!
i want to get a great job.. i know that he will be there for me..
i want to stop toturing myself... i know that he has plans for me...
i want to stop hurting myself..
i want to stop crying myself to sleep..
i want to stop being a stupid girl...!!!!
No special someone by my side to countdown.. n i really see myself as his toy.. whenever he wants me he takes me out whenever he dun wan me.. he leaves me alone.. not a message.. not a phone call not a word of concern as to where i go.. i dun seem to be his utmost priority... i only get leftovers! leftovers of the time he has. after u minus out his friends, his work, his religion, his work his sleep his sleep.. n more of his sleep.. n fishing... i really cannot ask for more.. i am supposed to be contented with what i have.. but i am not.. am i selfish? am i a insensitive girlfriend? am i a stupid girl? always waiting n waiting n waiting for something nice to happen... n it never will.. am i a STUPID GIRL??????:( :( :(
in 2010....
i want to be a happy girl!
i want to be a happy girl!
happier than i was in 2009! woosh gone is 2009 n welcome 2010!!!!!!
new opportunities n a brand new year awaits!!! beeMS")")**
